Waiting in Vain

I am in deep shit. Should I swallow my bitter pills? I hope there's someone who won't need what I got. I know that I am inadequate and stubborn. Geez, I got screwed at first now I can't untangle the knot. I am in a slanting position and ready to fall back down really hard.

I told myself to knock it all off, but how can I do that if I don't even know where to start. Now, I agree that relationships are messy. You'll just drag yourself into something that eventually might hurt you like hell. I did drag myself into this dreadful situation. Darn. I know this is stupid but is it too late to turn and walk away?

My heart is reeling and I am blinded by you. This is what I am afraid of. I am hurting. Big time. Why does this have to be harder than I thought it would be? Is this the end of the road for us? Are we just going to end it up here, walking away?

Not even a word uttered, you just simply walked away from me. I am holding on to the pain, no one said this is gonna be easy but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed and waiting for my luck to turn.

Should I stay or should I go?

But is this wrong if I hold on? I don't want to walk away from you. I ain't going anywhere. I can't complain cause this is what it's supposed to be. Anticipated pain from the start.. Now I am suffering.

I can't describe the way it felt when you said your goodbyes.

I know the way out but do you see what I see? I got nothing to hold on to and no reasons for me to stand for what I feel about you. I don't know where to pick up the pieces. My life is not on the line.

I can't be fine without you and you know that. I can't be okay. I can't relax and chill while feeling your cold heart fading away.

The reality of pain is embracing me with two arms...I'm trying to walk away and wait for you to take me back cause I know you're the only answer to all all of this...

But you're out of my life, completely gone now...

Hurry back to me...breathe life into the dead space and blow away the clouds of hate... You know what to do..i am still waiting for you. :(

Fool

I feel empty. I feel numb. I don't know why we ended up here and how's it never been so clear.

Sometimes I wish that I can turn back time to right all the wrongs that I did. But there is no U-turn. No coming back for me. I don't wanna look back with so much hatred in my heart. I wanna be healed. Go quietly somewhere without even a thought of you.

Everything lingers, the passion, the heat, the coldness. You're everywhere.

Even in the darkness I can feel you. Take the memories. I don't want it anymore. Take everything with you. Leave me alone.

This time this is what I really wanted. I'm getting tired. I have nothing without you, but I have to push through this. I don't give myself any second thought of holding back.

Now I know what I want in my life and what I really wanted. No bullshits. No alibis. No allegations. No pretensions.

No you.

I am tired. So tired of loving. So sick and tired of the same old bullshit every single freaking day.

Geez.. I hope I can say these lines in your face, but I can't.

I'm such a coward fool when it comes to you.


I love you.

That's the only thing I know and it scares me to death. Because I fell in love and I felt sorry for myself because I chose you. Darn.

Time

Time is wicked. The irony is, when you want to put your life on a fast track, time will start running slow and it'll be torturing your mind. Sometimes it flies for no reason, you'll be surprised that it's just gonna pass just like that and you'll realize that a minute had already passed and you were not able to spend it wisely.

Life sometimes is like a roller coaster ride. It is heart wrenching, mind boggling and there are times that it can make you puke and you just wanna pull it all together.

I don't know.

Time stops for no man, it goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you because there is always a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go and when that time arrives at least you can tell that you already did most of the things that made you whole.

No regrets.

Do not miss an opportunity because you'll never get it back. I already spent half of my life doing nothing but to prove myself to the world over and over. I hate it but i can't do anything about it. I guess that's how the world works, at least for me. The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. Isn't it shitty?

Well that's how it is. You have to cope up with the reality. It'll be the only way of your wailing soul's survival in this cruel world. What can i do if life is short? I want to do almost everything but how will I do that if my time is limited? Somebody told me that life is long and you don't have nothing to worry about. I told him that life is short and you have to live it to the fullest and make use of your time wisely and productively.

Darn.

My life needs a makeover.