same old shit

Here i am again. Still writing the same blah blahs. You can't blame me from acting and feeling stupid like this right now. Yeah i still feel that same old shitty-mushy-pain-in-the-ass emo feeling. Undeniably exasperating. I am tired. Tired of feeling the same old shit every single day. Dig that? Wanna be in my shoe? I don't think you can handle this because even i, I have started to lose my sanity. I hate this. I hate you for making me feel this way. For making me feel frustrated everyday. I just wanted to be happy...just to be happy. Being happy is a luxury for me. And i find it Bull shit. Why does it have to be like this? You cannot buy happiness. I know that but can't i just be happy? Or do i just have to convince myself that i should be happy. This is way pathetic. Well, pathetic is an understatement. This is shitty. There. A perfect term for a perfect situation. I am all fucked up for real. I just received an sms message from you and guess what the mushy-pain-in-the-ass- emo feeling came back. Darn. Me and my stupid heart. I am all upside down. You've turned me upside down. The needing and the yearning feeling...i cannot cut it off. The thinking and the caring bullshit feeling...i cannot escape it. I still want to care about you, still want to miss you...still wanna weave dreams with you. When will i stop? i want to stop all of this. i am all fucked up and cold and the bad part is you're the only one who can make me feel warm. Everything about this is heart wrenching, tormenting. Teach me to forget you...teach me to learn on how to. I don't want this pain anymore...i want to escape this reality and hide in my dreams but every details about it turns into a nightmare. You're still everywhere. In every thoughts that i have, in every air that i breathe,in every words that i murmur, in every notes that i hum...you're still there. Where do i go from here? I want to run away...run away until the time fades the stains away. I know i can win this fight...i don't wanna fall for defeat. I am strong and i can be stronger without you. I just need time. Only time. Just time.